Muffin HQ

Yesterday afternoon, I scheduled 4 of my 7 exams. I am taking CDS in October and 3 exams in November, SPD, PPP, and BDCS. I started tearing as I scheduled the first one. Emotions were strong because I was so happy to finally be making a commitment to the exams and completely panicked because I am now committed to taking my exams. If you asked me 5 years ago if I thought I’d ever be here, no, it just seemed so far away.

I am kicking myself for not doing it while I was unemployed these last 10 months but I also see my new job as an opportunity to learn more about the MEP side of the business and helping me with the exams. I also wonder if I would’ve gotten the job if I was done or had my license. I also wonder how many jobs I may have been looked over for not having a license. At this point, I cannot stress out about it and just move forward.

I am able to do it mostly because my friend is lending me the money so that I can schedule them all at once. Test fees increase by 25% after the new year and all exams have to be scheduled before October 1st to get the old price. Its so fucked up because most people in my business do not have a job or have experienced a pay decrease like me for new jobs. So aggravating, but its definitely kicking my ass into high gear and I am going to take most, if not all of my exams before the year is over.

Having the money loaned to me reminds me of the time I loaned an old college buddy money to go to Europe after graduation, in 1997. I can’t recall how much it was or how long it took to pay back. All I can remember is how happy and important this trip was to her. I was happy to be able to help her at that time. Kind of weird that I had the money back then to lend her, I remember being poorer than poor back in 1997. I think I was couch surfing for a few months before moving in with Kitty in our Park Slope apartment. So long ago, events start to fade but the emotions are still strong.

Back to exams, last year, I promised to go on a multi day bender as soon as I was done with them all. Now, not so sure. Definitely want to do something to acknowledge being done but not sure yet, open to suggestions, so let me know what you would do. If you are not familiar with the exam process, just understand its a big deal and I am making a big sacrifice. Average time is 28 months from start to finish. I am shooting for 3 months, which is only possible if I pass everything the first time. Wish my ass luck.

Three nights in a row of vivid, colorful, big dreams. My method of remembering dreams is usually something happens during the day or I see something that triggers my memory of the dream and it freaks me out cuz I can’t remember if it was a dream or a real experience I had in my waking life. Well, these last three mornings, I woke up with the dream fresh in my mind. And completely freaked out cuz I am trying to analyze, dissect, understand what these dreams mean. Meaning-less.

Tueday night - Two friends were having break up issues and were coming to me for advice/rant. I told one to kill the other person just to see if a light would go off in her eyes. There was a spark, scary!

Wednesday night - I won $2500 in some kind of raffle and found out that I aced the MEP portion of my ARE exams. I could even see the letter congratulating me on my test performance.

Thursday night - I was working with a team of people, decorating for Christmas. It was some kind of facility that had alot of kids and kid toys around. I remember seeing an obese baby and he was eating a cookie, which freaked me out in the dream. Afterwards, I was talking to a guy and his friend, The Hulk. Not Lou Ferrigno, but a real Hulk. I was flirting with The Hulk and trying to figure out his “situation”. Then I return to my apartment to sleep, Margaret Cho and I are roommates. I am asleep, and all of a sudden, I start to hear very distinct noises coming from Margaret’s side of the room. She’s decided to have sex with her boyfriend/husband while I was sleeping. I tried to fall back asleep and the next thing that wakes me up is I feel someone trying to push their way into my bed. I jump out of bed, put on a robe, and ask him who he is and what the fuck is he thinking. He claims to be my neighbor downstairs, meanwhile, in the dream, I know that we live on the ground floor. All this is happening, I am in my robe and somewhere in the background, The Hulk is starting to get mad with this stranger that tried sleeping next to me.

Thursday night’s dream is more complex because I am basically recounting the event just when I woke up. This is your opportunity to analyze, dissect, understand my sleeping brain. Or just enjoy a sequence of events that make absolutely no sense.

Coming clean, finally with you all and with myself. I am going to reveal the real reason why I bike everywhere:

It’s not because I don’t have a driver’s license (never learned)
It’s not because its good for my body or the environment
It’s not because its cheaper and easier on the wallet. No gas, no insurance payments.
It’s not because its faster and more efficient to get around a tiny city like Portland
It’s not because its safer for me or for all humans
It’s not because its fun and enjoyable and free exercise
It’s not because I feel connected to my community and with other cyclists and pedestrians.
It’s not because I can park anywhere and not pay to park.

I do love my bike, I really do but I am not always convinced that my bike loves me back.

The REAL reason why I bike is because I am working on my tan. Summer is coming to a close and I have the best tan ever!